I have very much wanted to be alone this year. So many times it felt like if I could just escape to my own solitary space that I would somehow be able to sort out all the things that felt out of control.
Upon reflection, I think that many of those moments covered for a deeper goal: to avoid letting anyone into the painful points of confusion and disappointment in my life. I got married this year! I transitioned into such a sweet new season, new family, new home...I was ashamed of the negative feelings. Didn't want to see them, didn't want others to see them, kept burying them deeper, you get the idea. A good ol' time!
In my low points, God was there with me in a way I haven't known before.
While I was clinging to being alone & solving my seemingly pointless emotions on my own, Christ proved to be my companion.
Faithful and kind, He has also kept the most dear people close to me even when I thought it would be much more convenient to be distant.
All of the happenings of 2020, both the global and personal, revealed realities in my life and myself that I wanted to keep hidden. Christ with me gave me a courage to open up to myself, Him, and people in my life like I haven't before. I expect I will keep growing in this. And I'm glad.
To quote dear Henri,
"Christmas is the renewed invitation not to be afraid and to let him—whose love is greater than our own hearts and minds can comprehend—be our companion."
This year, the invitation came to me through the foraging, flower arranging, pecan cleaning, and cat watching.
